Luuuv!

A drunken friend called me up from another side of the world one night and said that he needed my luuuv. I told him I didn't have "luuuv" for one but I cared for him as a friend. Then I told him I had a partner. And he said he was sorry. And the next morning he said he'd been drunk. And I said I knew. And he said, "You know nothing."